This is blog no. 2 in our 6-week series on How to survive (and even thrive) parenting your child with neuro-developmental differences. Having a child with neurodevelopmental differences can cause upheaval to your social life and confidence accessing the community. Many parents feel shame and anxiety getting out and about and being around people (perhaps even friends and family) who may judge, offer unhelpful advice or simply lack understanding. Not to mention worry of how your child is going to cope in social situations or without you if leave them in the care of someone else. You may feel pressure to be there for your child at all times or feel too exhausted to make time for your own relationships. I also hear many parents believe that they should be able to handle it all on their own and feel guilty asking for help. It’s therefore no surprise that your social support system may be running on low or empty. Yet, parenting a child with neurodevelopmental differences means it’s even more important you have outlets and support systems if you are to continue showing up each day as the parent you want to be. Why developing your social supports matter!

1. Connecting with parents who are going through a similar journey can be an invaluable way to find connection, hope and learn from each other.
2. Having time to be you and nurture the multiple aspects of who you are provides a more robust sense of self-worth, value and competence,  This helps you stay strong and turn up as the parent you want to be when challenges or set-backs strike.
3. Parents who have better social supports express better overall mental wellbeing, are more likely to stay together, and report more enjoyment and confidence in parenting.
4. Practical help can minimise the daily exhaustion and allows for time away to help rejuvenate, inspire and gain perspective.

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How to strengthen your social supports

1. Connect with groups and networks where parents of children with neurodevelopmental differences can come together.
   • Check out Asperger’s Victoria, AMAZE, Meet Up, or ask your local service provider to find out about support groups in your area.
   • Join our support group for parents in South Melbourne
   • Ask your school community if they have any groups or events, or put a notice in the newsletter to see if other parents want to connect.
   • Check out recreational activities and spaces that are neuro-divergent friendly. Your child can be engaged in activities, whilst you take a break or debrief with other parents.
2. Filter through your current relationships to make room for those people who support and energise (not criticise, dismiss or undermine).
   • Talk to family and friends about what you are going through and how they can support you.  This becomes easier the more confident you feel about how you want to parent and your child’s needs.
   • The ways in which you spend time with friends and family may need to evolve. For example, instead of an all-day bbq with lots of people or a noisy restaurant where your child can’t cope for a long period of time (or at all), explain what accommodations you would need to make getting together possible for you.
   • Let go of relationships are no longer supportive, or toxic. Relationships that are no longer viable or aligned with your path tend to naturally fade. This can be a source of hurt or grief, but at the end of the day it’s better to focus on those relationships where support, love, acceptance and respect are shared.
   • Prioritise and plan regular time with friends. This makes it more likely to happen and reduces the need and effort to plan, coordinate and organise.  For example, schedule a regular coffee date or walk with a friend so you commit to setting this time aside and have the back-up you need already sorted.
   • Form social connections and friendships that align with your interests outside of parenting. Joining a group class or club of your interest can be a great way to meet people with similar interests whilst enjoying something you love.
3. Ask for help and outsource 
   • Find services or ask for help in your network to assist with household jobs such as grocery delivery, cleaning, meal preparation, or washing.
   • Seek out options for regular (and planned) respite. Whether through a formal respite service, childcare, babysitter, weekend programs, or with the help of a neighbour or friend.
   • Take turns with your partner or support person to set aside regular uninterrupted time for you to get out of the house or take a break.

Spending time with supportive friends and family, learning to ask for and accept help, and connecting with others going through a similar journey can seriously improve your wellbeing and ability to show up in the way you want for your kids.

You may like to start by joining our parent support group where you can share and hear from other parents about how they are negotiating the demands and isolation that can come parenting a child with neurodevelopmental differences.